Last night I found out that my Aunt Pam passed away at 65 years of age
due to a brain aneurism while she was getting a lung transplant. She
was a heavy smoker for the majority of her lifetime so...what can anyone
including myself actually say? If you abuse your body all your life,
you can't expect it to keep putting out in a positive way for you.
This made me think of my mom's death. It'll be 8 years in July since
she's been gone. Between alcoholism, heavy smoking, and drug abuse
here and there paired with the worst possible diet imaginable, here
again we have an instance of...what else can you expect? My mom died
at 52 of a brain tumor that housed the most aggressive form of cancer
imaginable.
I've taken a quick glance at the last couple of years in my life and
I'm realizing how many changes I've made for a couple of different
reasons:
1) Changes in the economy have altered the way I have to do business.
2) Personally I've determined that changes are required due to the
lack of desire for doing the same old things for the rest of my life.
The more people I've spoken to since about this time last year (mostly
women, I should add) I've been able to see that there is this same
"theme" that is running through most people's lives right now.
People want to do something different with their lives. A lot of
people (including myself) who kept "planning" on changing their diets
and implementing an exercise program finally are (like I have).
Those who lost their jobs or businesses are reinventing themselves...
and are much happier than they ever thought possible.
It also got me thinking about something else too...this one pestering
question that comes up time and time again:
What do we really need to be happy?
For the majority of my adult life, I've been extremely successful
financially. And 100% of that success has been derived from being
an entrepreneur of many different hats, as most entrepreneurs are.
What bothered me as I was delving into the "whys" and "what ifs" of
life was this...the more I got financially, the more I felt like I
had to get more of in order to be "safe and secure." And because I
didn't feel that feeling of "safety and security" that I thought I'd
feel being at certain stations in life (including where I'm at now),
I'd start to panic and really tumble off balance.
It got me thinking about the times when I didn't have anything and I
worried about how I'd pull off certain business and investing projects
I was working on.
Yet, somehow, it always worked out.
Looking back, those were actually the most peaceful and happiest
moments in my life. Certainly not because I worried about the outcome
but because there was nothing to lose.
Somehow when you accumulate a lot in your life and you have something
to lose, now you're worried about (1) maintaining what you have, (2)
getting more, and (3) possibly losing what you got.
Talk about making anyone a stress basket.
All of the above has thrown my health into a combination of stomach
ulcers, not eating enough (or well enough), and migraine headaches
while sucking out any possible energy I would normally have to do
basic day-to-day things. (At least I keep exercising though.)
I had a recent opportunity to participate in the building and managing
of a pretty large entrepreneurial project (and I won't tell you what
it is) that would have netted me somewhere in the ballpark of $20 to
$30 million after everything was said and done...in about 8 years from
now. This would have also included going back to my 65 to 80 hours
per week.
And this is where I declined.
Most of you already know that I have a daughter. She will be 5 next
month.
Most of you know that I just turned 39 last week.
And many of you are perhaps thinking that these are the 2 major reasons
why I turned down such a lucrative project.
Maybe. Maybe those are the reasons I turned it down.
After all, how often would I actually see my daughter working 80 hours
a week? I am 39 and I've "been there done that" with overworking for
many years and I don't quite have the desire to do that anymore.
(Youth gives us energy solely on motivation and enthusiasm...which I
don't have for certain things anymore.)
But for a $20 to $30 million payout in 8 years? What kind of mental
tardo would pass that up??
Me...that's who.
And it's because I've "been there done that" and I took a very close
look at what I really "needed" to exist happily on this planet.
Surprisingly, my monthly household bills don't exceed $10,000 a month.
On average, I make about 5 to 7 times that in any given month. In
some months, I make up to 14 times what I actually "need."
So, since it's pretty clear that I'm already making what I "need" by
amounts that dramatically exceed my $10,000 monthly requirement, what
the hell is $20 to $30 million parked in a bank account going to do
for me that will justify me giving up watching my daughter grow up?
I had a recent phone conversation with a student of mine. I'll just
use her initials as to not "out" her...Her name is L.D. She's an
incredibly independent woman and I admire her quite a bit for her
strength and character.
The problem with L.D.?
No problem at all except within herself.
Each time I talk to her, she has a very "heavy" energy about herself.
She's usually depressed and only wants to focus on what isn't working
in her life.
Okay, yes, she went through some major turbulent calamities in recent
months including a divorce. (Hey, I'm an expert on that one!) She
has a variety of different "issues" that she's been working through
most of her life.
And this is when I finally had to stop her before I went insane during
the phone call!
You can't move forward as long as you keep glaring into the rearview
mirror!! Past is past, baby. Nothing you can do about it.
In fact, Ronnie almost hit a box truck pulling out of a parking lot
yesterday that he was driving into because he was too busy focusing on
the police car that was riding up behind him.
You'll get hurt focusing on the past. It'll never do you a damn bit
of good either.
And this was L.D.'s problem. She was too busy not only focusing in on
the past but all of the worst things that happened...
Including...how she's in her 50s and isn't where she thinks she needs
to be financially. And how she's a few paychecks away from being on
the street.
Guess what L.D. (and everyone else out there)! I am too! We all are!
Just because I have a significant amount of assets squirreled away
doesn't mean that I am immune to a variety of different financial
storms that can come in and sweep it all away. This can vary from a
lawsuit to IRS issue to anything that may come up that I can't
possibly predict.
How many millionaires have woken up one day to realize that all their
assets were seized by the government due to the fact that we're really
all "guilty until proven innocent."
I once had $8,000 taken out of my bank account due to a clerical error
at Bank of America. There was a state tax lien on one of my accounts
because my business name closely matched another business that owed
the state of California.
What if it wasn't $8,000? What if it was $80,000 or $800,000? Or more?
I could have woken up and had all my assets frozen due to a clerical
error at the f#@&*** bank!!
And it took me 10 days to sort it all out. I would have been cashless
for all that time until the "guilty until proven innocent" system worked
in my favor.
One thing about L.D...she's a brilliant and highly regarded Registered
Nurse. She is literally the right hand woman to operating room doctors
that depend on her for her skills and talents.
She has been taking care of herself all of her adult life as a strong
and independent woman.
Yet she wouldn't see any of this (until I pounded some sense into her).
Instead she just wanted to keep focusing on what she didn't have going
on in her life. She went on and on about "what if I slip and fall and
can't work?" And I'm not in the same boat somehow??
It's just as ridiculous as a multi-millionaire who lives in San Diego
worrying daily about being kidnapped by a Mexican cartel and being
beaten for 3 days straight while his family comes up with a $5 million
ransom.
Who thinks like that?? Who worries about ridiculous negative nonsense
such as that??
Listen...absolutely none of us are at the stage in life that we expected.
None of us. Myself included.
Yet what I've learned and discovered is that I have perfectly balanced
my life to get what I need. I know that I'm talented and brilliant
enough with a strong enough skillset to start over (as I have multiple
times before) if everything is taken from me overnight. I am grateful
for these abilities and skills that I've developed to allow me to
take care of myself.
And you need to start being grateful for your abilities too.
Stop thinking about what you don't have. Stop worrying about things
that only have a 0.000000001% chance of ever happening in your life.
Start celebrating who you are, what you really want (is it really
$20 million in a bank account?), and all of the skills and talents
you have right now to get there!
(Sorry L.D. for "outing" you. You're an awesome woman. Start giving
yourself the credit you deserve!)
First things first, start identifying the negative thinking. (Hint:
it's usually about how much you're not making, how you hate your job,
how you've "failed" at doing certain things, etc.)
Now, start identifying and celebrating every skill you have. This
can be something as little as being able to whittle a whistle out of
a piece of wood. It can be your confidence. Your ability to talk to
people. Your ability to draw cartoon characters.
The more confidence you give yourself, the more action you'll take on
your action plan.
Now, the action plan...
I don't care how many self-help "attraction" books you read; you'll
never get anywhere with positive thinking until you actually physically
apply it somewhere in the world of economics.
Basic law, folks: sell a product or service and extract money from
people while offering something of value to others.
Anything that falls out of line with that simply won't work. (How
far have those lottery scratchers really gotten you in life?)
Here's what I've learned: It's very easy to quickly get past your
psychological shortcomings and negative thought patterns by developing
new thought patterns. You can only do that by moving in some type of
direction to change your life.
It's easy to sit around the campfire and talk about doing something
"someday" but "someday" never comes if you never pound out a short list
and start taking action!
Now is your time. Do something. Even if it's not something through
me, you need to really funnel your goals, desires, and dreams (starting
with what you really want in life), create a very short action plan
list (up to 10 simple items) and start working the list every day while
suspending any possible negative beliefs you have about the items or
the plan.
And there's your secret to getting anything you want.
See you at the top!
Your mentor,
Monica Main
www.MonicaMain.com
