A lot of my students don't realize the "behind the scenes" of Monica Main.
So, I'm going to let you in on some personal things that have been going on with me so that you'll understand how my personal trials and tribulations can help you.
In 2010, I went through a financially difficult divorce. It would be my second divorce but wiped me out financially. It cost me over $7 million in property and we're not including the cash which was painfully substantial. That's another story which makes me want to puke when I whip out the calculator so...let's not go there. But it was costly as all hell. A big part of me feels that I'm still recovering.
But why did I go through a divorce? After all, sucking it up and pretending that everything was okay would have been cheaper. Throwing his ass into a sewer tank at one of my MHPs, letting the elements eat up his body would have been preferred. But I believe karma is a bitch so I don't harm others unless they are harming me. That's my personal motto.
At this time, my daughter wasn't even 2 years old yet. Yes, I know. That Dr. Laura freak will tell everybody to stay married when they have kids, no matter how miserable, abusive, or shitty the marriage is. Yes, stay for the children's sake. In which my reply is, "Shut up, bitch. When you're in a shitty marriage, it's BAD for the kids, you quack. That's worse than giving then a HAPPY single-parent household. And where did you get your degree anyway? The school of Cracker-Jack Quack-Atics"?
Rewind a little more in life, who I am as a person today is a person who was chiseled out of a block of stone from the roughest of beginnings. Granted, my beginnings weren't as rough as many people. Maybe you had a tougher upbringing than I did. If you did, congratulations. It was good for you. Thick skin, an I-don't-give-a-shit attitude, risk-taker personality, all good for your success. I look at kids and even younger adults today with their "I'm-so-offended-because-somebody-said-this-or-that-to-somebody-else" belief systems...WTF, I'm thinking. "Grow a pair," I say, "Because you're gonna need some as life gets more and more complicated for ALL of us as years roll on here."
I'd love to tell people that I had no opportunities growing up. That was a lie. But for a long time I actually believed that. Maybe you do too and that's the type of thinking that you need to quickly discard otherwise it'll continue ruining your abilities to create success and wealth for yourself. Seriously. Let the past go, move forward. Quickly. Otherwise the past will sink you like an anvil tied around your neck in a pond of quicksand. You see, this is what my useless brother does. Blames everybody including our parents STILL, the government, even ME for why he's such an alcoholic welfare-dependent loser. And until he starts taking FULL RESPONSIBILITY for his own life (even things that can be perceived as "not" his fault), he'll actually start seeing some possibility and potential. But that day will never come because it's too late for him. He'll be 40 in June and he's so dead set AGAINST any other type of thinking. This is why I don't communicate with him and I haven't seen him in almost a year. I won't surround myself with losers like that, even (and especially) if it's family. Yes, you can choose your friends. Even better, you can choose to dump your family too if they don't line up with what you want for yourself, especially those who bring you down.
No matter how old you are, I'm convinced that you can change your mind about anything. You just have to FIRST be open to other possibilities THEN you can move forward. Until then, you'll be stuck in your old patterns of thinking and thus your current life will never change.
Here's the way I see it, compared to the millions of people who are fighting just to come to the United States for ANY opportunity (and may take a long time to get here), I had a ton of opportunity starting off. It could have been worse. I could have been born in a third-world country, struggling to get to America, swimming across a river to get here against all odds, maybe getting shot at the border. And if I made it, what would I do when I got here? I'd have to learn a foreign (and difficult) language in a strange culture full of judgmental Americans who want nothing more than me to return to my foreign country. Then I'd have to climb up the ladder. How do I get a job with no papers? What are my opportunities then?
Yet people have done it. A lot of people have come to this country against all odds as explained above and have made it, even become multi-millionaires. It's because they're able to keep their eye on the prize. Time remains of the essence as the struggle their up against each day weighs heavily into their spirit, forcing them to grow upward every moment of every day. Because once they stop growing upward toward their goals, they instantly get crushed by everything around them. And they can't let that happen. So they steadfastly keep pushing for their goals and dreams. And THAT is why they make it. Not because of "luck" or any other reason some lazy-ass may think is the result of the success. It's because of the constant hustle and drive that pushes anyone toward and into their dreams. Luck has nothing to do with it, people!
So, if you think there is "no opportunity" for you, what the f*** are you talking about? Just the mere fact that you can READ THIS EMAIL means that the sky's the limit for you, my friend. So, stop talking yourself out of giving yourself the life that you've always wanted. Stop it right now. Time to move forward...and fast!!
Back to my divorce, because this IS relevant, believe it or not.
One spring morning (in 2010), knowing that I had been in a miserable marriage for too many years, I finally asked myself 2 very important questions:
1) If my mom were still alive, what would SHE tell me about what I should do about this marriage?
No answer came to me. So...next question:
2) What would I tell my daughter if she were in the same situation, dealing with an emotionally/mentally abusive f***-tard deadbeat who refused to get a job for the past near-seven years?
Answer: Dump the piece of shit...TODAY! Not a moment to waste! Because you're too good for him, darlin'.
By late that same morning, I was already sitting in the office of my divorce attorney, someone who I didn't know even existed the day before.
Children learn by what you do, NOT by what you tell them to do. I wanted my daughter to grow up the strong woman I've been able to chisel out for myself, out of that raw block of stone. Some of what I've become was weather erosion from life circumstance which has also molded me into who I am today. This is what tragedy and "bad things" do to you. All for the better good, we would all hope anyway. But one thing I was intent on her NOT learning was that it was acceptable to drag a deadbeat guy through the mud like a 2-ton log, taking care of him as if he deserved a free ride in life. (Damn lazy California boys.) I wanted her to learn from a self-reliant powerful woman -- even if I was to become a single-mom to pull it off -- and that would carry a powerful built-in brain-wired education for her. She'd learn by seeing what Mommy does, not what Mommy tells her to do. She'd see a strong successful entrepreneurial woman, not an enabler of a weak piece-of-shit deadbeat guy.
At the age of 7 1/2 now, she's already showing signs that this in-advert education is paying off. She's already in the midst of starting her first business. I didn't get bit by the entrepreneur bug till I was in junior high school. She's not even 8 and she's already named a new business both her and myself will be starting sometime this spring. I also have a mantra with my daughter when she starts to blame people or circumstances. I nip it in the bud by always telling her, "Stop blaming others. You need to take personal responsibility." The other day she started blaming someone else for something but stopped mid-sentence and looked at me. I smiled, saying nothing. She's learning, that little one. She's becoming a strong, self-reliant woman in the making. All in a single-mom household. Take that, Dr. Laura, you misguided know-nothing Cracker-Jack hag!
To decide...such a POWERFUL thing. The word "to decide" essentially means to cut off all other options. You choose one option. All others become irrelevant and fall away. To decide is such a powerful feeling.
Yet most of you decide nothing. You make no decisions no matter how painful they are. And this is what's holding you back. Waffling around between this or that. Deciding on nothing. Doing nothing. And remaining in the SAME PLACE year after year. This is what's holding you back right now. Not deciding. Not doing anything as a result. And until you DECIDE on something, you won't be successful doing ANYTHING EVER!! Because after all, there IS NO LUCK! There's only YOU forging ahead on a strong vision that you've created for yourself. After you've DECIDED! It all starts there. It all starts when you DECIDE. Nothing can or will happen until you get to that point.
About 6 months into my divorce, Ron Espinoza and I hit it off at a seminar event I was doing in L.A. that fall. Thinking back now, I was in a vulnerable state which is why I let things go awry. But it's all good. It's all part of the lessons that make us stronger. We were married less than a year later. Another mistake because I didn't realize until after the fact that he was never going to leave Michigan. And I wasn't leaving California. Stale mate. So, this is where the third divorce came in. And yes, I've gotten so good at all this divorce stuff that I did all the paperwork myself, saving tons of money in legal fees. With a pre-nup in place, it was pretty cut-and-dried. This was, perhaps, my hardest divorce. Not because of the money (because I lost nothing in this one) but because I felt I had made such a gross error in judgment that could have been avoided. And because it was such a tumultuous emotional roller coaster, even years later after the divorce was finalized. Don't get me wrong. Ron is a fantastic guy. But the Michigan/California problem should have been more obvious to me and it wasn't. For that, I believe I failed from a logical-decision point-of-view.
Even after the marriage was over on paper, we still kept dating. Another decision: going from dating relationship to merely friends/associates and nothing more.
Eureka! That was it!! What a freaking AWESOME decision that was. I felt that was the missing piece I've been needing to finally start feeling whole and okay again. And this only happened LAST MONTH when I finally made that decision. Simple decision yet so powerful and life-changing decision it was. Yes, it seems too simple, right? But it turned the tables on POWER for me and sometimes it's the simplest decisions that will give you the greatest power. I went from battling a nightly depression on this issue to feeling extraordinary in every way almost instantly. And now, for the first time in my adult life, I understand that term "being in a good place" and what that actually means. Because I can honestly say I'm in a good place right now. A REALLY good place.
Again, that little thing about DECIDING. To decide is the hinge that can swing very large doors for you, as it has for me.
To come to these decisions sometimes can be painful as it has been in the illustrations I've given you about my personal life. But it's a necessary evil, people. If you don't decide on something, even if it feels uncomfortable, you'll never get anywhere.
Lately I seem to be getting a lot of emails from people who want me to make their decisions for them. They want me to tell them what type of business they should do or if they should do real estate over my money funnel stuff. How silly is that? Why would you want me or anyone else deciding things for you? In fact, it's already happening. The government is deciding your fate as we speak. Marketers are deciding what you should buy to make them rich. So, I can see how you'd be used to being a sheep having people tell you what to do with your life. But, time to step up, man up, woman up...time to make some of your own damn decisions otherwise you'll always be a sheep, following this or that and never becoming anything relevant for yourself.
To DECIDE...such a powerful thing, my friend. When are YOU going to start making some powerful decisions in your life, even if they are uncomfortable but for the better good of YOU??
How about right now!
I want nothing more than to see you up here with me...up here in this good place I'm finally at. It's freaking awesome up here. So, when are you coming up then??
How about today. And it all starts simply by DECIDING. So, decide something relevant to your life and your future, which means it needs to be a little more important than what you're having for dinner tonight. How about what you want to be when you grow up? That's relevant enough.
See you at the top!
Your mentor,
Monica Main
